Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
