i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
