just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
