His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
