Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
