I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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