i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
