That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
