I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize