foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
