If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
