my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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