My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
