I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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