i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
