You really coming over, don't trick.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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