bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
