ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
