you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
