I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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