I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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