Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
