Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
