no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
