Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
