I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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