Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize