YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
