I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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