Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
