hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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