I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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