I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
How's work?
Spinning.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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