Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
two words...techno handjob
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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