What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
