Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
