I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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