I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude i'm inner monologue high
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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