Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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