Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Your cock deserves a montage
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
