We won't sleep together?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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