Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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