Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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