ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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