I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Less talking, more tequila
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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