Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
