when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
is that a dick in a sweater?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
