After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
