i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
