dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
