And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
