I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
