my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
