Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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