That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
