I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
