sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
