She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
