You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
