My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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