Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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