it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
