Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
