i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
