My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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