the new term for farting is butt boxing.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize