I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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