I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
