Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
