All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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