Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
